is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
