Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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