drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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