I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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