Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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