Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
