You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i out mim tonsoeep
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