so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
