So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
