so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
