So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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