i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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