Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
