I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize