I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
