So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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