My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
