After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
