week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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