In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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