Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
