i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
