Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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