New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
