I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
