my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
