I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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