then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
