What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
