fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
where am i from again
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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