you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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