So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
