Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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