Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
