i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Randomize
