i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
