i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
