idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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