the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
