38 yer olds are good kisserssss
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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