i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
