So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
