Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
