Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
