We're like a lot better than the average bears
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
