OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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