I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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