if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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