It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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