If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
